Dear Doctor

Have you ever been fired by your doctor?

 I was. It’s a very odd and unsettling experience. I’ve thought about sending him a letter. Would he even read it, toss it in the trash? I haven’t done so, and don’t know if I ever will, but if I did, this is the one I would send.

Dear Doctor,

After some 20 years as your patient, you fired me.

I’ve never been fired by a doctor. I’ve never heard of a doctor firing a patient, am I your first? Or is this standard procedure for you?  

When I first started seeing you, I’d heard you had a reputation as a bit of a prick, but I stayed because I liked you and thought you were competent. You were certainly brusque and impatient, but I recognized and related to that smart-ass, Jewish kind of humor, and it didn’t faze me; I rather enjoyed it. Besides, your staff of middle-aged women were pleasant and helpful, and I figured you couldn’t be a complete jerk and keep such nice people. 

I once asked you for a referral to another specialist, you named someone and added the warning, “but he has no bedside manner!”  Which I thought was hysterical. Clearly, you are a man with little self-awareness, or am I being redundant?

There were hints of problems, the time you wrote a prescription for new glasses which I had filled and spent several days with increasing bouts of nausea and dizziness. I returned to the optician, where he explained he filled the prescription as it was written and gave it back to me to show to you.  When I did, you blustered, brushed it off, and never admitted your mistake (maybe that’s something you learn in medical school—never admit you’re wrong or you’ll be sued.) But you gave me a corrected prescription and the optician kindly filled it at no charge.

Where it finally fell apart was your impatience in explaining my options for my second cataract surgery. You had done the first one, which went well, but I was becoming anxious as to the choices available to me on the second eye. Based on experience (see all of the above), I was pretty sure that if I asked for a further explanation, you would brush me off, “I already told you what we’re doing!” and so I asked a friend for the name of a different doctor and went for a consult.

Doesn’t all the medical literature say, “get a second opinion?” Which is what I did. That doctor contacted your office, and you, offended at my disloyalty, called me, said that I’d obviously be happier with this other doctor, so “you should go see her” and hung up.  Wham, bam, thank you, Ma’am.  Just like that.

My new doctor is quite competent, we have a polite, professional relationship. But I gotta confess, sometimes I miss you.  But I’m never going to beg and ask you to take me back; I’m not that kind of girl and you….you have lived up to your reputation..